Steve Pavlina Separation from His Wife

Surprise, Cult Leader Steve Pavlina is going to divorce his wife. I tell you it's just shocking! Utterly shocking that the guy who would come out and publicly announce that he will be cheating on his wife isn't going to stay married to her. He insisted that she was okay with it, including a mind numbing podcast on the issue of polyamory where HE said how she was just fine with the arrangement, and SHE would say Uh huh.

Who ever would have guessed that his marital strategy wasn't really going to work? Hmm, it's almost as if sex changes things. Steve rejected the notion that there was anything wrong with sleeping with women other than your wife, even though many told him it wasn't going to work. I figured that Erin was okay with the deal under the assumption that she must have a low sense of self worth, but I guess she values herself more than I had given her credit for. Good for her.

Steve Pavlina is a person that has some good fundamental ideas, but they are all tainted by two things. One is that he has a very poor ability to express his ideas. The other is that his only strategy is to move towards pleasure.

Moving towards pleasure is great, but having that as your ONLY strategy is very self limiting. Steve even recently wrote a series of articles about encouraging people to quit their day jobs under the premise that it's a waste of your life to do something day in and day out that you hate. I agree with that, but a better strategy is to find ways to enjoy things instead of making them unpleasant.

It's funny how it occurred to me that his polyamory announcement was entirely predictable considering his inflexibility towards making things simply be enjoyable, rather than limiting himself to only moving towards pleasure.

Here's what I mean. If you hate going to work everyday, you could quit your job and do what you love, as Steve suggests, OR... You could learn to enjoy life regardless of what you are doing. This is what I like to do with my life. I used to hate my job, but now I wake up and think, "Awesome! I'm in great health and I get to go to work and contribute to society. I wonder what will happen today that will make me laugh so hard it makes tears come out my eyes." It's the same job. I've been there 9 years. Smae job, different attitude.

By loving what you do, regardless of what that is, it gives you much more flexibility in what you are capable of doing. You are not limited to only doing things that seem fun. You can take anything and MAKE it fun.

Think about that. That means you don't have to avoid doing your taxes, or inviting with Uncle Bert for Christmas dinner. You can do those things and know that you can find a way to make it enjoyable. It's still good to aim for doing those things you love, but you're not limited by doing ONLY those things.

By Steve's philosophy, if it seems like it would feel good to sleep with a woman that is not your wife, then you have to do that, because that is moving towards pleasure. My attitude is to spend as much time as you can thinking about how wonderful your wife is and why you married her. If you compare her weakenesses ot another woman's strengths, then you're not going to feel good about her, but if you compare her strengths to another woman's weaknesses, then it is a big win for the wife.

My wife has an amazing ability to create perfect moments. We went on vacation and she insisted on going to this one restaurant that was a 45 minute drive to get to. We got there, and it happened to be the one night of the year that they had this local celebration. The moon rose over the lake, and it was big, orange and full, reflecting off the lake. The food was great, and it was a magical moment to remember. It was amazing. You can't plan that sort of thing.

And I sure as hell would never risk that for a fling with a younger girl. Fuck no. Never.

She'd probably be some horrible had that makes everything miserable and tedious. Oh, yay. But shed be temporarily more physically attractive. Screw that.

Magical memories, or quick fling. It's no contest. My wife wins every time. As a result, I continue to fall even MORE in love with her as time goes by.

You see, but I chose to do that. I made a choice to make the most of what my life IS, then move forward, rather than take Steve's approach and ditch anything that is mildly unpleasant, I make it be the best that I can make it, and then I make it better and better until it evolves into something even greater.

Instead of wishing for the perfect woman and leaving people in my wake, like Steve does, I made a choice to realize that my wife IS the perfect woman, flaws and all.

This sort of mentality simply doesn't occur to Steve. I'm not the least bit surprised he and Erin are going their separate ways.